Animal Memes: Chemistry Cat – Don’t Make a Phase
22 minutes ago
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Are You Graduating?
Colleges graduate students.
Students graduate from college.
If you are graduating college, you may want to think about going back.
Students graduate from college.
If you are graduating college, you may want to think about going back.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
How High are You?
Come on, people, please.
It's height.
Not heighth.
I had to tell my sixth grade math teacher this. He was not amused. Nor was he swayed.
Don't be thtubborn like Mr. Nelson was. Expand your breadth of knowledge. Use height properly and you're virtually guaranteed to stand taller. At least in my eyes.
It's height.
Not heighth.
I had to tell my sixth grade math teacher this. He was not amused. Nor was he swayed.
Don't be thtubborn like Mr. Nelson was. Expand your breadth of knowledge. Use height properly and you're virtually guaranteed to stand taller. At least in my eyes.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Pharmacist, Heal Thyself!
After Trippy Trip to Pharmacy, Lil' Miss Use Has Precious Lil' Hope for Healthcare Reform
Normally Lil' Miss Use confines her blog posts to musings about language, usage and... well... her own personal preferences and pet peeves, of course.
But occasionally, a subject so provocative, so irresistible, presents itself that even the normally disciplined Lil' Miss Use just can't restrain herself. Her itchy Twitter finger must be appeased and the words simply demand to be unleashed upon the virtual page.
This was the case Thursday night, dear user, when -- after a draining, all-day meeting out of town, where a confused yet startlingly combative client prospect proved again that bad judgment has no limits -- Lil' Miss Use rallied enough energy to bedrag her bedraggled self to her local Walgreens for a prescription. Having patiently waited nearly a week for said compound while pharmacist, doctor and insurance company apparently played rock, paper, scissors with their esteemed customer's health, she was comforted to know a resolution was -- finally -- as close as the corner drugstore. Relief was within reach.
Imagine the disappointment in Lil' Miss Use's heart when she realized she was destined to experience the full force of the healthcare system's dysfunction, writ lil', right here in her own biggest lil' state. She simply couldn't have imagined what awaited her as she strode confidently to the pharmacy counter at the back of the shiny, 24-hour shopping Mecca. High-heeled boots clock-clocking crisply on the linoleum, she whisked past the pillars of retail society (also known as security sensors). They were landmarks in her long journey home, and they signaled that the comfort of a quaff of pino and the embrace of an armchair were mere minutes away.
No, dear user, Lil' Miss Use could never imagine the twisted purgatory in store for her tired soul. She had picked up the scent of her quarry and was already savoring success as she tracked it to its source. So confident was she, it was impossible to imagine anything but a sweetly streamlined, sublimely smooth retail experience, a model of economic efficiency and caring customer experience. Victory was at hand. In again. Out again. Gone again. Vin again.
Instead, sly, snarky fate waited, snickering, crouched behind the counter with a cruel practical joke locked and loaded. Soon, the hapless Miss Use would find herself suddenly and unwittingly lost in an Alice-in-Wonderland-meets-Abbott-and-Costello microcosm of this nation's least popular and least redeemable industry.
And evil fate's weapon of choice? You've no doubt guessed it, dear user: The very language Miss Use relies on to earn her living, suddenly transformed into a double-edged sword and turned against her. She watched helplessly as clarity of communication apparently slipped out for a smoke. Finding herself abandoned by reason itself, dearest user, yours truly is ashamed to confess she was finally reduced to nonsensical ravings.
Pharmacy Tech to Lil' Miss Use (LMU): The coupon for this prescription didn't go through.
LMU to Pharmacy Tech (PT): Didn't go through what?
PT: The coupon. It didn't go through.
LMU: OK, sorry, let me start again. The coupon didn't work? Why not?
PT: It wouldn't go through.
LMU: I'm afraid I don't understand. Please tell me what you mean when you say 'it wouldn't go through.' What is it supposed to go through? How and why did it fail?
PT: Well, this is a coupon.
LMU: Yes...
PT: And I'm saying it won't go through. It says it’s not valid.
LMU: Let's try another approach, shall we? Why wouldn't the coupon work?
PT: It wouldn't go through. It wouldn't work.
LMU: (taking a deep breath) OK. Says who, exactly?
PT: The system. It won't accept it.
LMU: Whose system? I'm looking for the antecedent to this mysterious pronoun “it”
PT: (pointing to the computer) This. This computer.
LMU: Well, the computer isn't really making a decision, now, is it? So the computer isn't really responsible...
PT: Well, they said it wasn't valid.
LMU: Aha! Who said it wasn't valid? Who is this “they” you speak of?
PT: You see, this is a coupon...
LMU: Yes.
PT: You were supposed to get a discount. On this prescription.
LMU: Right again.
PT: But now you’re not going to. Get a discount. It won’t go through.
LMU: I think you’re onto something! Tell me, why won’t I get the discount?
PT: Well, this is a coupon, you see? And…
LMU: You know, I think we already established that. I know it's a coupon. I know this because I actually submitted the coupon to you, last week, hoping to get a discount on my prescription. But now you're telling me I can't. And I want to understand who makes the decision that my coupon is not 'valid'? What is the rationale behind that decision? Why is the coupon not valid? Who says? As an American citizen, I have a right to face myjudge and jury. So who are they?
PT: The system won't take it.
LMU: And again, I think we've established that. But it still doesn't answer my question about why! How does the system normally “take” a coupon? I mean, given that it doesn’t have opposable thumbs, of course.
PT: This is an instant rebate coupon...
LMU: Wow. Listen, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult, here. But clearly we're not connecting. What I want to understand is what makes my coupon invalid? And who decides? Who is behind that decision?
PT: (speaking a little more slowly and a little louder, as if to accommodate Lil' Miss Use's apparent impairment) This is a coupon, and it was supposed to save you $30 off this prescription.
LMU: Again, I get that part. It's a coupon. I'm all over it. It's supposed to save me money. I like that idea. Very exciting. Very compelling. Unfortunately, it's not working. It is apparently not valid. I want to know why. Is it expired?
PT: No.
LMU: Is it counterfeit? Fraudulent?
PT: (silently peers over the tops of her glasses)
LMU: (hearing cartoon noises in her head) So, is the insurance company saying it's not valid? Or is it the pharmaceutical company?
PT: Yes. The insurance company. (Reading from the coupon) 'All-er-gan'.
LMU: Alergan is the pharmaceutical company.
Pharmacist: (interrupting from across the room just in time to avert a crime of passion) You allergic?
LMU: I'm sorry, what? Me? Am I allergic?
Pharmacist: You allergic? You have drug allergy?
LMU: Uhhhhh... well, yes, I have some allergies...
Pharmacist: You allergic to dis drug?
LMU: No, I... no, I'm not allergic to this drug. If I were, I hope my doctor wouldn't have prescribed it... I... hang on a second here... With all due respect, what has this got to do with my coupon being rejected?
Pharmacist: What coupon?
LMU: (one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...) This coupon... the tech was just telling me it was rejected for some reason. I was trying to understand why, but I am afraid I'm just not getting it.
Pharmacist to PT: ( now helping other customers) You put dis coupon tru?
PT: Yeah. I put it through.
Pharmacist: What happen?
PT: It wouldn’t go through.
Pharmacist:: You try to put it tru?
PT: Yeah.
Pharmacist: It wouldn't go tru?
PT: It wouldn't go through.
Pharmacist: Why not? You get a code?
PT: No.
Pharmacist: You call da number on da back?
PT: Someone did. I think. Deborah, maybe.
Pharmacist: What dey say?
PT: How should I know?
Pharmacist: (returning to her previous task) It don't work. Coupon won't go tru.
LMU: Oh! Well, why didn't someone just say so? That explains everything! I'm so glad we got that resolved.
By the way, I like pie. Do you like pie? Did you know math is the queen of sciences? Do you have a dog?
(PT turns away again to wait on other customers)
LMU: (digging deep for her best Columbo impression) Oh, sorry, just one more thing: Who's on first?
Normally Lil' Miss Use confines her blog posts to musings about language, usage and... well... her own personal preferences and pet peeves, of course.
But occasionally, a subject so provocative, so irresistible, presents itself that even the normally disciplined Lil' Miss Use just can't restrain herself. Her itchy Twitter finger must be appeased and the words simply demand to be unleashed upon the virtual page.
This was the case Thursday night, dear user, when -- after a draining, all-day meeting out of town, where a confused yet startlingly combative client prospect proved again that bad judgment has no limits -- Lil' Miss Use rallied enough energy to bedrag her bedraggled self to her local Walgreens for a prescription. Having patiently waited nearly a week for said compound while pharmacist, doctor and insurance company apparently played rock, paper, scissors with their esteemed customer's health, she was comforted to know a resolution was -- finally -- as close as the corner drugstore. Relief was within reach.
Imagine the disappointment in Lil' Miss Use's heart when she realized she was destined to experience the full force of the healthcare system's dysfunction, writ lil', right here in her own biggest lil' state. She simply couldn't have imagined what awaited her as she strode confidently to the pharmacy counter at the back of the shiny, 24-hour shopping Mecca. High-heeled boots clock-clocking crisply on the linoleum, she whisked past the pillars of retail society (also known as security sensors). They were landmarks in her long journey home, and they signaled that the comfort of a quaff of pino and the embrace of an armchair were mere minutes away.
No, dear user, Lil' Miss Use could never imagine the twisted purgatory in store for her tired soul. She had picked up the scent of her quarry and was already savoring success as she tracked it to its source. So confident was she, it was impossible to imagine anything but a sweetly streamlined, sublimely smooth retail experience, a model of economic efficiency and caring customer experience. Victory was at hand. In again. Out again. Gone again. Vin again.
Instead, sly, snarky fate waited, snickering, crouched behind the counter with a cruel practical joke locked and loaded. Soon, the hapless Miss Use would find herself suddenly and unwittingly lost in an Alice-in-Wonderland-meets-Abbott-and-Costello microcosm of this nation's least popular and least redeemable industry.
And evil fate's weapon of choice? You've no doubt guessed it, dear user: The very language Miss Use relies on to earn her living, suddenly transformed into a double-edged sword and turned against her. She watched helplessly as clarity of communication apparently slipped out for a smoke. Finding herself abandoned by reason itself, dearest user, yours truly is ashamed to confess she was finally reduced to nonsensical ravings.
Pharmacy Tech to Lil' Miss Use (LMU): The coupon for this prescription didn't go through.
LMU to Pharmacy Tech (PT): Didn't go through what?
PT: The coupon. It didn't go through.
LMU: OK, sorry, let me start again. The coupon didn't work? Why not?
PT: It wouldn't go through.
LMU: I'm afraid I don't understand. Please tell me what you mean when you say 'it wouldn't go through.' What is it supposed to go through? How and why did it fail?
PT: Well, this is a coupon.
LMU: Yes...
PT: And I'm saying it won't go through. It says it’s not valid.
LMU: Let's try another approach, shall we? Why wouldn't the coupon work?
PT: It wouldn't go through. It wouldn't work.
LMU: (taking a deep breath) OK. Says who, exactly?
PT: The system. It won't accept it.
LMU: Whose system? I'm looking for the antecedent to this mysterious pronoun “it”
PT: (pointing to the computer) This. This computer.
LMU: Well, the computer isn't really making a decision, now, is it? So the computer isn't really responsible...
PT: Well, they said it wasn't valid.
LMU: Aha! Who said it wasn't valid? Who is this “they” you speak of?
PT: You see, this is a coupon...
LMU: Yes.
PT: You were supposed to get a discount. On this prescription.
LMU: Right again.
PT: But now you’re not going to. Get a discount. It won’t go through.
LMU: I think you’re onto something! Tell me, why won’t I get the discount?
PT: Well, this is a coupon, you see? And…
LMU: You know, I think we already established that. I know it's a coupon. I know this because I actually submitted the coupon to you, last week, hoping to get a discount on my prescription. But now you're telling me I can't. And I want to understand who makes the decision that my coupon is not 'valid'? What is the rationale behind that decision? Why is the coupon not valid? Who says? As an American citizen, I have a right to face myjudge and jury. So who are they?
PT: The system won't take it.
LMU: And again, I think we've established that. But it still doesn't answer my question about why! How does the system normally “take” a coupon? I mean, given that it doesn’t have opposable thumbs, of course.
PT: This is an instant rebate coupon...
LMU: Wow. Listen, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be difficult, here. But clearly we're not connecting. What I want to understand is what makes my coupon invalid? And who decides? Who is behind that decision?
PT: (speaking a little more slowly and a little louder, as if to accommodate Lil' Miss Use's apparent impairment) This is a coupon, and it was supposed to save you $30 off this prescription.
LMU: Again, I get that part. It's a coupon. I'm all over it. It's supposed to save me money. I like that idea. Very exciting. Very compelling. Unfortunately, it's not working. It is apparently not valid. I want to know why. Is it expired?
PT: No.
LMU: Is it counterfeit? Fraudulent?
PT: (silently peers over the tops of her glasses)
LMU: (hearing cartoon noises in her head) So, is the insurance company saying it's not valid? Or is it the pharmaceutical company?
PT: Yes. The insurance company. (Reading from the coupon) 'All-er-gan'.
LMU: Alergan is the pharmaceutical company.
Pharmacist: (interrupting from across the room just in time to avert a crime of passion) You allergic?
LMU: I'm sorry, what? Me? Am I allergic?
Pharmacist: You allergic? You have drug allergy?
LMU: Uhhhhh... well, yes, I have some allergies...
Pharmacist: You allergic to dis drug?
LMU: No, I... no, I'm not allergic to this drug. If I were, I hope my doctor wouldn't have prescribed it... I... hang on a second here... With all due respect, what has this got to do with my coupon being rejected?
Pharmacist: What coupon?
LMU: (one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi...) This coupon... the tech was just telling me it was rejected for some reason. I was trying to understand why, but I am afraid I'm just not getting it.
Pharmacist to PT: ( now helping other customers) You put dis coupon tru?
PT: Yeah. I put it through.
Pharmacist: What happen?
PT: It wouldn’t go through.
Pharmacist:: You try to put it tru?
PT: Yeah.
Pharmacist: It wouldn't go tru?
PT: It wouldn't go through.
Pharmacist: Why not? You get a code?
PT: No.
Pharmacist: You call da number on da back?
PT: Someone did. I think. Deborah, maybe.
Pharmacist: What dey say?
PT: How should I know?
Pharmacist: (returning to her previous task) It don't work. Coupon won't go tru.
LMU: Oh! Well, why didn't someone just say so? That explains everything! I'm so glad we got that resolved.
By the way, I like pie. Do you like pie? Did you know math is the queen of sciences? Do you have a dog?
(PT turns away again to wait on other customers)
LMU: (digging deep for her best Columbo impression) Oh, sorry, just one more thing: Who's on first?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
We live in hyphen-crazy times
Lil' Miss Use is grateful for this post on Ragan.com. Using the hyphen is not rocket science, people!
Monday, March 2, 2009
The sad state of newspaper writing
Lil' Miss Use is saddened by the state of affairs in newspaper publishing today. Witness this unfortunate example, busted by The Torontoist. Because clarity of communication is the very bosom of journalism, it is most distressing to watch its decline.
Just keeping you abreast of the situation.
Just keeping you abreast of the situation.
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